Not Just a Coincedence

WARNING WARNING WARNING LONG BLOG POST AHEAD

Everyone has "Ah Ha" moments in live. They're inevitable. Today was one for me.

I've always wanted to do a bible study, but have been intimidated by true believers that know soooooo much more about God and the Bible than I do. I am a true studier of the bible. I am a green person - a thinker, analytical in the purest form. I have always believed that there had to be a God, why else would we be here doing what we are doing right now if there wasn't. But to put my faith in something that I can't see, touch, or hear - that was another thing. I also wasn't brought up with the strongest values in faith that one could give their child. My mom and dad never went to church and when I went it was with my aunt. I did get Christened as a baby and Baptised as a pre teen, but only because that was what I was supposed to do, right? I also did some sort of Awana's course with a friend and when I went to the big communion ceremony that family is supposed to attend and is a big deal - my mom dropped me off at the door and came back to get me when it was over. One thing about faith that I am glad my hippie of a mother taught me was not to judge others for what they believe because we won't know who is right until we die, and then there is no one to tell about it.

So, when I was twelve and my mom died, it wasn't like I had any faith in faith to begin with. I went off the deep end doing things that were sinful and never really thought about God too much. I went to church in high school only because I had a boyfriend that went and I wanted him to like me, but for no other reason than that. Looking at my kids, who are just a little bit older than I and just a little bit younger than I when my mom died, I see just how young I really was.

I would call that an interruption in my life.

Then I became pregnant at 16, so obviously I wasn't too worried what God thought about me having sex before marriage.

That would be another interruption in my life.

And now for the last serious interruption of my life...

A mere four months after having my daughter and just before my 18th birthday, my daddy died. That is the point when I really looked up and instead of praying to this God, who has just made me an orphan, to give me strength and help me - I said "no god of mine would ever do this to someone he 'loved" and I ran from him in attitude.

Not too long ago, I decided that it was probably good for us as a family to begin attending church. Not because I had the need to find God, but because I didn't want my children to turn out like me. Always looking and searching, but never really finding faith. Always questioning what's being said and churning over it in their little minds. I don't want that for them. I want them to have faith in God and the Bible and not be as analytical about it as I am.

Today I decided to go to Bible study with friends, really just because everyone was going and I didn't want to be left out. I walked in, bought my $12 book and sat down, not really expecting anything from it. As the leader began reading a passage from the forward of the study book, I zoned out like I often do in church.

Then, as if God had lifted me up by my collar, slapped me silly across the face, and screamed "Snap out of it woman!!!", I heard her read this sentence "They (interruptions) shock us; they shake us; they compel us to change. Sometimes they make us wonder if God even cares."

BINGO! THAT'S IT!!! It was like God had brought me to Faith Covenant Church (the "Faith" part of the name of the church is not lost on me in irony) for a faith "Intervention." The one thing that has always kept me from fully seeking God and faith was why if he really loves me would he ever do what he did to me. The interruptions in my life have kept me from having a relationship with God. So, like my study book says, to get a new view on what the interrupted life really means for believers in Jesus Christ (which I do believe, I really do), we need to get a new view of God. This bible study is to help you navigate an interrupted life. VOILA! Exactly what I needed, exactly when I was open to receiving it.

I believe that God has seen my struggle and brought me to this bible study at this time for a reason. I am now, after 15 years, finally ready for faith and he is going to help me find it.